In Her Own Words ~ By: Pam Musil, Department of Dance Associate Chair, Professor of Dance
My first real experience with Brigham Young University was when, at the age of 17, I attended a recruitment orientation at my high school. All seniors were excused from classes for the afternoon and were instructed to choose three colleges or universities that we were interested in, and attend their presentations.
I was already dead-set on not becoming a “BYU Zoobie;” my mind was set on Utah State. So, I attended the USU orientation first, and distinctly remember feeling underwhelmed. My friend was planning to attend Snow College, so I attended that orientation with her, and again, found myself feeling unimpressed. Since I had one more college recruitment session to attend, I chose BYU for my third meeting.
I can still clearly remember the overwhelming feeling that came over me as I sat in that meeting. In that moment, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this is where I needed to go. It was probably the first time in my life that I felt the Spirit speak so strongly and decisively to my heart. That experience marked the beginning of a life-long love affair with Brigham Young University: I applied, was accepted, and even received a half-tuition scholarship.
My freshman year was transformational in so many ways. I found myself, for the first time in my life, immersed in an environment that was different than any I had ever experienced. I had not really had to work very hard at my studies to that point in my life, and I really hadn’t encountered much intellectual discussion, either at school, or in my home. I felt as if I had found my “home” in this new, intellectually stimulating environment.
As an undergraduate dance student, I also felt that I had found my home within the Department of Dance. I still remember how in awe I was of my professors: Dee Winterton, Chris Ollerton, Abby Fiat, Cathy Black, Sandy Allen, Pat Debenham, and Sara Lee Gibb. To me, each of them, in their own ways, epitomized what and who I wanted to become. I remember looking specifically at Dee Winterton as he was introduced at a state AAHPERD meeting, and wondering how he had accomplished so much! I felt I would never be able accomplish anything near what he had done. Looking back now, I realize that through a lifetime of “plugging away” within the discipline, most of us accumulate accomplishments in a similar way.
One reason why the Department of Dance felt like home to me was because I always felt cared for and nurtured by the faculty. I was often amazed that they even knew my name. Nurturing and caring have been hallmarks of the Department of Dance for as long as I can remember. I have felt a strong call and stewardship to show my own students the same degree of nurturing and care that I encountered as a student. I only hope I have been a fraction as successful in that nurturing process as my own professors were.
After graduating in 1978 with my Dance Education degree, I returned to BYU in 1982 and spent another two years in the department as a graduate teaching assistant, working toward my MA degree and teaching entry level courses. Before completing my MA degree, I accepted a position at Mountain View High School (MVHS), where I spent the next eleven years teaching dance (1982 – 1993). I completed my MA in 1985, while still teaching at MVHS.
Throughout my time at MVHS, I continued my love affair with BYU, teaching in the Children’s and Teen’s Dance Program, and trying to stay connected to faculty. My dream was to teach at BYU someday. At one point I confided in Cathy Black my hopes and she kindly explained to me that it was unlikely I would have that opportunity. I decided that if I couldn’t teach at BYU, I would create a high school program that mirrored the best things I had learned at BYU. During those years at MVHS I was honored by the National Dance Association as the National Dance Educator of the Year, an honor that I am still humbled by. I credit my BYU professors for preparing me to teach in such a way that my work would make a difference.
After teaching at MVHS for about 10 years, I started feeling strongly that it was time for a change. I vividly remember a prayer where I poured out my heart to God, telling Him that if I were ever to have an opportunity to teach at BYU, it needed to be soon, because otherwise, I would seek schooling to go into high school administration. Literally within the month I received the answer to my heartfelt plea in the form of a phone call from then Department of Dance Chair, Phyllis Jacobsen, who asked me to teach at BYU for a year while then full-time faculty member, Les Ditson, took a leave of absence. I was able to take a year’s leave of absence from MVHS, and the rest became history: Les chose not to return to BYU, and I applied for and was hired in his position. That was 27 years ago.
My love affair with BYU has continued from my initial hire in 1993, throughout those 27 wonderful years. As a faculty member I have felt challenged, nurtured, and valued. One of my most influential mentors throughout my BYU journey was Sara Lee Gibb, who passed away last spring 2019. Sara Lee not only mentored my undergraduate training as a dance education student, but again, when, as a new faculty member I encountered challenges and difficulties that I sought her advice for. Sara Lee served as a sounding board for all of my questions, fears and concerns. She invited me into the professional arena as she introduced me to her colleagues at the National Dance Association and later, the National Dance Education Organization, and encouraged me to serve. She continued as a valued friend until her untimely death.
Throughout my tenure here at BYU I have had many opportunities to travel and to seek professional development. I have been pushed to write and to publish, and in doing so, have learned to be a better writer. I have served as a faculty member among colleagues who I consider to be among the best in the profession. Given all of these opportunities, I have always counted myself fortunate, and in many ways unworthy to be here. “Imposter Syndrome” is a real condition that many, often women, experience when working in highly challenging environments. I certainly experienced it many times myself as I wondered if I was really capable of doing all that was expected of me. Those feelings have driven me to be the best I could be, and to contribute and serve in whatever ways possible.
When I count the many blessings of working here at BYU, my students are always among those that I count most dear. I have been blessed by and have learned from my students throughout my career as a dance educator. Looking back, I am amazed at how many students I have taught throughout the decades that I have been a dance educator. When I think of all that my students have taught me, I often receive the quiet assurance that I have been the receiver of profound lessons that are exponentially greater than any lessons I have given.
Reflecting on my 27 years as a faculty member and I only wish that I could have done more. Nonetheless, I recognize that my life would not be the same now if I had taken a different path. My life as a BYU faculty member has been full and rich. It has provided opportunities that have been both intellectually and artistically challenging. I am so grateful for all of the opportunities that I have encountered and for the growth I have realized that has improved my effectiveness as a teacher, colleague, administrator, parent, grandparent, and human being. What an incredible journey it has been!